We went to visit my family this past couple of weeks. It was awesome to spend time with them. For the first time in about 4 or 5 years, we had every single one of my siblings in one place. In fact, we had almost every person in my family there except my brother-in-law, Tyler, who is completing his Residency and understandably could not get the time off. It was somewhat chaotic to have all 9 grandchildren (under the age of 7) at my parent's house for a full week, but it was a bunch of fun. Sam and Emerson had a blast playing with their cousins and Sam has not stopped asking to play with his "cousin friends" ever since.
While I was there, I had some downtime and I was able to read a bit.
I finished this book:
And haven't stopping thinking about it every since. It tells the true story of a journalist/ reporter who is trying to find the solution to his running injuries. He discovers a hidden tribe in Mexico called the Tarahumara and learns from them that humans were always meant to be able to run, especially long distances. This tribe is surrounded by mountains and rough trails, yet they are consistently able to run hundreds of miles at a time without stopping or getting injured and they have been doing this for quite some time. It was amazing to me to read through example after example of extraordinary runners and find the commonalities between their stories.
When I began running after I had Emerson, it started out as a way to get out of house. Isaac could be home between the hour of 8-9 every night and I was welcome to do whatever I wanted with that time. So I went to the gym. I knew if I tried to work out at home it would never happen, but something about being away from my house, without kids or anyone who needed me was incredibly freeing. As I began to run/walk shorter distances, it was pretty rough and not fun at first. By the end of the first mile, I was struggling and would often quite. But slowly, I began running further and further. I felt myself getting stronger. I ran a 5k in April of last year and it felt so great that I decided right there that I would train for the same race, but do the Half Marathon in 1 year.
The first time I ran more than 4 miles was emotional for me. I was doing something I had never done before. I was discovering a strength in my body and myself that had never been part of my life until that moment. I knew that my only limit in running was myself.
For the past year, I have been ramping up the mileage and going on more runs each week. The other day, I ran 4.5 miles for fun and I would've gone further if Isaac didn't need me back home so he could go to the library. I'm up to 10 miles for my longest distance and I'm planning an 11 mile run this Saturday.
If you were to ask me even 2 years ago if I would ever become a runner or even enjoy running, I would have looked at you like you were crazy and said, "Um..., no. Running is for crazy people." But I get it now. I get why people do this, why they go through the pain and stress on their body to run long distances. For me, after about 2.5 or 3 miles, I reach my "happy place." Suddenly, my body has taken over and I'm not paying attention to my running anymore. I am just there. I guess you could call it a "runner's high," but for me, it's more like a "runner's peace."
So much of my life is riddled with anxiety. I overthink everything, research everything, over process everything in my mind. But when I am running, I hit a place where nothing else exists. I can feel my breath giving energy to the rest of my body and my feet hitting the payment over and over. I can look around and take in the beautiful mountains or the cars driving past. But my brain doesn't have the energy for anxiety. Every part of myself goes into making me run.
It's a peace unmatched by almost any other area of my life.
This book, Born to Run, talks a lot about the motivation behind the running and I think that's why it rang so true for me as I read it. When I have tried to run before, it was so that I could lose weight or prove something to my friends. I had some wonderful roommates in college that really enjoyed running, but I hadn't gained my own positive experience with it yet. In my mind, it was something that other people could enjoy, but it definitely wasn't for me.
I'm convinced that the reason I love it now is because I have absolutely no goals, no outcomes that I am looking for. When I run during the week, I almost never set a distance goal for myself. I just run. I do set distance goals on my long runs, but I always tell myself I can stop if I need to or I can go longer if I want to. This time around, running was not for loosing the baby weight or impressing anyone. It was for me. It was my time to connect with my body and the world around me.
My friend, Stephanie, who has been a huge inspiration to me throughout this process has talked before about how running is a spiritual thing for her. And I couldn't agree more. With my anxiety falling away, I can connect to my world, myself, and the Spirit much more effectively while I run. My emotions are more free and my heart is more open.
I am excited that this has become a part of my life. Sam asks to go on runs with me all the time and I love that I can set that example for my boys. I love that it's so much more than body image or proving anything to anyone else. It's about loving myself and pushing myself as far as I can go. I am so excited for my Half Marathon in a month. I imagine that once I'm done with that, I will only want to keep going.
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