1 Month

1 Month

Sam:

• sleeps up to 4.5 hours at night
• eats up to 4.5 ounces in one feeding
• unintentionally smiles a bunch
• loves sleeping in his car seat
• has very efficient bodily functions
• loves to look in the mirror on his changing table
• hates sleeping because he would rather look around at everything
• is still undecided about his baths
• loves cuddling next to mom in a nice warm blanket

His parents:

• are sleep deprived, but managing
• are learning that babies take up a lot more time than they thought
• unconsciously set the ultimate goal of helping Sam sleep as much as possible
• have become diaper-changing pros (especially his dad, who up until he was born had yet to change a diaper)
• love making as many noises/ faces as it takes to try to get a reaction from Sam
• love taking pictures and videos
• spend all of their time trying to understand the tricks that show what Sam needs/ wants at any given moment
• are head-over-heals in love with the little guy

Privileged

Today, I was walking to my car on the way home from class and I saw a funeral procession being led by 2 police cars. As I saw the cars rolling through the intersection, it struck me how awesome it is to be an American.

The USA is a really neat country.

With all of the political craziness going on right now, it's good to remember that the fundamental freedoms and privileges we enjoy here are still available. I know I need to be more grateful for that.

Take the Police Force for instance:
- How awesome is it that we can call loyal citizens to come help us when we need them? I remember in Russia how corrupt the police force was. They could pull you over at any time (which actually happened to my host dad at one point) and without any cause could give you a ticket, or you could just pay them off and be on your way (which is what my host dad did). Thank goodness we live in a country where police officers take their job seriously. I'm so glad to know that at any point I feel unsafe, honest law enforcement is just a phone call away.

Or how about our Flag?
- Any time a tragedy happens at any point in our nation, the flags are lowered to half mast. I love that. I remember after the several shootings we've had this year, each time I drove home I saw the flags at half mast all over Lubbock. It's so comforting to know that when one city or county or state is hurting, the rest of the country is on their side, mourning with them regardless of political affiliation.

These are 2 simple, but powerful examples of how amazing our country is. Regardless of race, political affiliation, religious beliefs, etc... our country serves its people. I just think that's really cool.

Year 1

Today is Isaac and I's 1-year anniversary. It's crazy to think that at this exact time one year ago, Isaac and I were kneeling across an alter, making promises to one another and God for time and all eternity. Little did we know what this year had in store for us.

Looking back:
- We have moved four times.
- Isaac had two jobs, I had one.
- We've both attended school.
- I finished my Bachelors and started my Masters degree.
- Our house was broken into and robbed.
- We visited Isaac's father in various places throughout his treatment.
- Isaac's father passed away and we attended his funeral.
- We had a beautiful baby boy.

Through all of these events and just the everyday activities of life, I have come to love Isaac more than I ever knew how to love anyone.

Going into this whole marriage thing, Isaac and I were pretty sure we had our relationship covered. We had known (loved) each other for 7 years at that point, so what more could we have to learn?

We were so wrong...

I have come to realize that Isaac has certain quirks which will inevitably drive me crazy for the rest of our lives, and he has some amazing attributes which will inevitably make me happy for the rest of our lives. Until being married I never knew that Isaac's socks would show up underneath anything. Under the coffee table, under the kitchen table, under our bed- whatever they can be underneath, they are. I never knew that Isaac and I could listen to the same song and remember entirely different lyrics, his often being made up to change the meaning to the songs entirely. I never realized how much work it was to make sure we stayed connected, not just getting wrapped up in our separate busy lives and forgetting about each other.

But beyond all of the trivial things I have come to learn about my husband, there are so many more amazing things I have learned. I never knew how much Isaac loves people or how much he loves to serve and do missionary work. He loves to make me smile or curl up next to me after a long day. In the past 3 weeks, I have seen how amazing Isaac is as a father. He loves Sam and thinks every little thing he does is the cutest thing in the world. (Which, let's be honest, it is.)

Though the past year was unexpectedly challenging for both of us, I couldn't be more grateful to have spent it with my best friend. I'm just starting to understand why marriage is so important and so meaningful. It's more than us just being friends, it's an obligation we have to one another, a responsibility we have to treasure each other. I'm so grateful that we made the choice to get married one year ago today.

It's been a great year.

Welcoming Sam

I've been trying to think of how to write a fancy, fun post about having Sam in our lives, but nothing seemed to fit.

It's always harder to write when the subject matter is so near to my heart.

As all of you readers know, Isaac and I had our baby boy on Sept. 18.

The reality is, Sam is amazing. I love watching his little lips smack after he's satisfied during a feeding. I love that he already recognizes me. The other day, I started talking to him and he sleepily smiled. I know it was probably just gas, but that little smile melted my heart. I love waking up with him in the middle of the night and snuggling him tight. After he's done eating, he'll stay awake for a little while, just looking around and making noises. Sometimes I get annoyed that I can't go back to sleep yet, but then I see his eyes looking up at me and all of that goes away.

And the other reality is, Motherhood isn't easy. Through long nights and worrisome absences, I've come to realize what it feels like to be a mother: the aching love I feel when I'm sitting in class just thinking about my little guy at home, the time constraints and always being 10 minutes late to everything, the times when I'm just so tired, but I've got 2 people depending on me for certain things. It's tiring. But so worth it.

It's crazy how much such a little person can change your life. For the rest of forever, I get to be this little guy's mother. I get to worry about him and love him. I hope he always knows how much I love him.

It's actually been kind of an emotional journey for me these past 3 weeks. I'm sure lots of it is to do with the crazy changes in hormone levels happening in my body right now, but I think some of it has to do with just me. Sometimes, I think I'm afraid to love Sam too much. It's like, I try to keep myself detached from him just a little. I think I'm afraid to love him fully because I'm so entirely responsible for him, and what if I fail? What if I'm not good enough at all of this stuff? Not that I'll neglect him or anything like that, but what if this little guy grows up to be a rebellious teenager and turns away from the things Isaac and I have taught him? What if he sees our mistakes and weaknesses and decided he no longer needs us in his life? Or what if, on a more practical basis, the influences of this world hit him so hard, that Isaac and I can't protect him from them?

I look at this tiny baby and see the life that he has ahead of him. I see all of the things that I want for him and all of the things he could be. But then I see all of the things he's gonna have to deal with, all of the temptations and hardships he'll face. And I wonder how Isaac and I will be strong enough to help him deal with it. And will he listen?

Thank goodness for a loving Heavenly Father who will be there to help me be the best Mother I can be. I couldn't do this without the Gospel in my life.

Anyway, I love being a mother. It's everything I've dreamed of and more. It's also very humbling, full of complete unknowns and a lot of trial-and-error. I'm excited to start writing about my motherhood adventures on this blog.