If you aren't familiar with Hypnobabies (I sure wasn't before this pregnancy), here's a little info about their method. Basically, they help you train your body to enter "self-hypnosis" and create natural anesthesia during contractions (or as "pressure waves" as they refer to them). During the 5 weeks of lessons, I listened to several different hypnosis tracks, similar to deep meditation tracks, that helped me train my mind and body to relax on demand. I liked having the excuse to meditate and relax for 30 minutes each day.
I was able to complete all 5 weeks of lessons before I went into labor and I was happy about that. So on Sunday, Oct 20, I went to church and all was normal and well. That afternoon I felt some Braxton Hicks that felt stronger than normal, but I didn't think anything of it. I fully expected to go to my due date or past my due date and at that point I had just started my 39th week. Around 7:30 that evening, I was doing the dishes and all of the sudden, I felt a trickle run down my leg. I thought to myself "Wait, was that...?" And then I went to the bathroom, just to make sure. By the time I got to the bathroom, I knew. Nothing was stopping that flow of liquid, it was coming and I knew what that meant. I looked in the mirror and let it process for a moment. "My water just broke. I'm having a baby. Holy crap, I'm having this baby." I felt my stress rise as I realized that because my water broke before any contractions had begun, this labor may be more complicated than I had envisioned. More than anything I wanted to avoid Pitocin or any non-natural labor inducing substances because I knew that would make my natural labor more difficult. After noticing my stress level rise, I remembered my relaxation and hypnosis lessons and I began to consciously relax myself, immediately stopping any stress or fear that was trying to creep in. I put on one of the affirmation tracks that state positive messages about birth and I began to pack Sam's overnight bag. I called Isaac who was at a meeting and got his voicemail. I wasn't in any rush to get to the hospital because I knew that there was a short window to get my labor started naturally before they would want to begin an induction. I also called my friend, Stephanie, and told her we would be bringing Sam over for the night. I told myself that if this was how my body needed labor to begin that was ok and everything would be alright.
Isaac rushed home after getting my voicemail and was very eager to get to the hospital. :) I told him that I didn't feel rushed and that I would like to straighten up our house a little so it would be clean when we came home. He looked at me like I was insane and said "No, we are going to the hospital, I will come and clean later." haha I agreed to go ahead and make our way to the hospital though I gave him a bit of a hard time for being so anxious about it.
We dropped Sam off at my friend Stephanie's house and she was very encouraging, saying that everything would be alright.
We arrived at the hospital around 8:45pm and got checked in. Our nurse, Melanie, tested to make sure my water had actually broken (there was no doubt in my mind at this point) and sure enough the ph strip turned a bright blue. Melanie then checked me and I was only dilated to a 2. We talked about birthing options and she was completely on board with me going naturally and was familiar with Hypnobabies. I was really excited to get a nurse who was happy to help accommodate as much as she could in my birthing experience. She asked if I would like her to refrain from asking about pain level and I told her that I didn't think it would be necessary. True to her word, she never asked me to rate my pain or talked to me about pain at all. She was awesome.
She called my doctor who agreed to allow me to walk around for an hour to get the labor started on its own. After an hour, we would check to see if I had progressed and go from there. So I began walking around. Let me just say, after your water breaks in labor everything is more fluid (see what I did there?). On one of the laps, we had to call the janitorial staff because my water just kept coming and there was nothing we could to about it. At this point, I had come to terms with the fact that there is no dignity associated with anything during labor, so I laughed it off and moved on. During that first hour, I felt some tuggings but no definite contractions.
Melanie checked me again and she gave me another half centimeter, saying I was now at about a 2.5. Honestly, I think she was just being nice and buying me more time. She said we could try walking for another hour and she also brought me a birthing ball.
I walked for half the hour and sat on the birthing ball the second half. I was beginning to feel more steady contractions at this point and that made me really excited.
Melanie hooked me back up to the monitors and checked and said I was at a 3 and because I was having more steady contractions she felt comfortable to let me labor for a little while.
Another couple of hours went by. I began to feel the contractions strongly after a while. I liked watching them on the monitors and was feeling pretty good at this point. I was so happy that my labor had begun on its own and no medical interventions would be necessary. I began using my hypnosis tracks to help relax myself through the contractions and that was really helpful. I can't say that it was painless for me, but being relaxed and unafraid helped me cope with the pain so much better.
Melanie came in again. It was probably around 1:30am at this point. She checked me and said I was about a 4.5, so she was going to take her break so she could be ready for when the action started. She told me I was doing a great job and waited to talk to me until after I was through with each contraction. She was such a great nurse.
I remember watching her turn on the warmer above the baby station and put out some blankets before she left for her break. During the next difficult contraction, I thought to myself "My baby is coming! She turned on the warmer, that means he's coming!" That warmer got me through the next few intense contractions.
I tried to stay positive and told myself over and over that my body was made for this and that is awesome. Then all of the sudden, during a really intense contraction, I began to push. It wasn't something I chose to do, I just did it. I can't describe how crazy that feeling is. I was so taken aback by this, I waited until another contraction happened to see if I would push again. Sure enough, I pushed through the entire contraction. Isaac had no idea what was happening so after that contraction was over I told him to call the nurse. I didn't have time to explain why because another contraction hit. Isaac, thinking I was just having a hard time with the pain, called the nurse and calmly said that we needed someone to come. After my next contraction of pushing, I felt so much pressure. I turned to Isaac and said "I'm pushing! We need the nurse!" Isaac looked at me with a panicked expression and said "I called, she's coming, she's coming!" Melanie came in and checked me and said "Oh! You're complete!" and ran back out of the room to call in reinforcements. It had only be 30 minutes since she had checked me previously. I had gone from a 4.5 to complete in 30 minutes.
After Melanie checked me and ran out, I had another strong contraction and pushed out Emerson's head. I looked at Isaac and said something like "He's coming! I just pushed out his head! He's coming!!" And then a final contraction hit and out came his shoulders and the rest of him... straight onto the bed. One of the nurses that had been called had just come into the room, put on her gloves, and ran to the bed as Emerson flopped out. She picked him up and began working with him and he began to cry a little.
I was so excited to be done laboring and I felt so good. The pain just instantly stopped and it was awesome. I just kept smiling and laughing.
4 or 5 other nurses, including Melanie, ran in and realized that Emerson was already born. They all put on their gloves and started rummaging through the cabinets trying to find everything they needed. The clamped his cord and began running newborn procedures on him. Melanie just kept laughing, saying "What the heck? How did that happen?! I just barely left you! And I didn't even hear you screaming!" haha All of the nurses were laughing and the one that came in first and "caught" him was proud of herself. It was her "first time" to catch a baby and she was excited that she got to experience it. We all laughed at how crazy that had all been. Then, the on-call doctor arrived. (In the time it had taken for Melanie to call him, for him to wake up and come down the hall, Emerson had been born.) He took one look at Emerson on the bed and said "Well... ok then." lol He stitched me up a bit and then went over to the computer to make a report. As he was typing, he turn and said "Wait, did you have a boy or a girl?" haha It was just such a surreal experience.
My poor doctor didn't arrive until everything was already cleaned up and we were waiting to be transferred to the postpartum area. She apologized profusely and said that usually she has the nurses call when moms are at a 5, but since I was only at a 4.5, my nurse hadn't called her yet. And no one expected me to be complete 30 minutes later!
After processing through that birthing experience, I realized a couple of things:
1. I am so glad we had such a great nursing staff. They took care of everything. When birthing in the hospital, the birth experience really comes down to the nurses. Your doctor may make the final calls, but the nurses determine your experience. Ours were awesome and I was really grateful.
2. I'm so grateful I prepared for a natural birth. I realized after everything was said and done that if I had planned on getting an epidural during this birth, I probably would have requested it after Melanie told me I was at a 4.5. I would have wanted to make sure I was progressing enough that the epidural wouldn't slow progress, so a 4.5 would had been a good indication of that. But if I had requested it then, there is no way I would have been able to get an epidural in time. I would have gone through that half an hour completely terrified of the pain I was experiencing and it would have been a much scarier, more harrowing experience. But because I was already prepared for the pain and accepting of it, I was never scared. Even when the pain got super intense and I didn't think I could physically handle it anymore, I wasn't scared. I knew that this was part of the deal and that my body was just doing what it was supposed to do. That's what preparing for a natural birth had done for me- it had taken the fear out of the equation. Because of that, instead of scary and traumatizing, my birth experience was really cool. I was able to experience my body doing its job super efficiently and that was neat for me.
In the end, I don't feel like I love Emerson any more than I love Sam. My recovery has been pretty similar to the way it was with Sam (other than not having my legs be numb after I gave birth which was nice). Breastfeeding is going better with Emerson, but I have awesome lactation consultants to thank for that. So when I think about how I birthed Emerson naturally, it's not like I wear that experience as a badge of honor or find it at all superior to Sam's medical birth. Both experiences were so awesome and exactly what I needed them to be and I am really grateful for that. I feel like I was prepared for this birth by feeling drawn to natural birthing methods early on and I am incredibly grateful for that.
It's kinda cool for me to have experienced both versions of birth and to realize the value in both of them.
Now that Emerson is here and we've spent a lot of time snuggling, I am sad that I ever worried about bonding with him. He's the sweetest, most precious thing. I love him immensely and he feels like a missing piece to our family puzzle. This whole pregnancy and birth has been so different than I expected, but maybe that's the point. I learned to listen to the Spirit and be ok with the unexpected and I feel like I am stronger because of that.
