The first day of grad school was a bit of an awakening for me. As I walked waddled to class in the 100 degree weather, I noticed that a bunch of people kept looking at me. This wasn't one of those paranoid "I'm insecure, so I feel like everyone notices my insecurities" type things. It was real. The more I waddled, the more I noticed the stares. Soon, I realized that my melon-sized stomach might have something to do with it. That's also when I realized that Tech is different than BYU in many ways.
First, being pregnant at BYU is like the standard, almost the norm for a girl my age. If I went through a whole day at BYU without seeing at least 5 pregnant women, and 4 strollers being pushed around with 1 or 2 kids, that was a weird day. At Tech... I'm finding that's not the case. The stares coming from many fellow students were a stark demonstration of that. I've come to realize that I tend to be in the minority, choosing to have a baby while still being in school.
In fact, I guess this was so much the case that when I got to my first class and we were going through introductions, the guy behind me asked me which college I came from. When I said BYU, he nodded as if to say "I thought so" and mentioned that he was from some college in Southern Utah. Apparently, he had made the correlation that if I have a ring on my finger, I'm in the MFT program at Tech, and I'm pregnant, I must be a Mormon.
Anyway, beyond that, the class was great.
Aside from me sweating like crazy by the time I get to each class and having to prop my feet up on whatever is available at the time, I'm actually getting through the classes pretty well. I'm finding that I actually appreciated the varying views that Tech has to offer. It's definitely a different type of education than I would get at BYU, but I think for the field I'm going into, that'll be pretty useful.
Isaac is enjoying his classes as well, and his job is going well. I continue to be so grateful for him. Today, we were having a discussion in one of my classes about single parent vs 2-parent homes and what the benefits of either can be. As I thought through my feelings on this issue, I realized how privileged I am to have a husband who loves and supports me. With how nerve-racking the idea of having a child is, I can't imagine going into it alone. I respect those single parents who have had to deal with these types of situations on their own for whatever reason, and I truly believe that single parents can make it work if they need to. But for me, going into Motherhood for the first time, I'm incredibly grateful to have a husband by my side who will love and support me through it all. As I've gotten bigger and bigger and see myself as less and less attractive, it continually surprises me that Isaac is still so attracted to me. He still wants to cuddle and steal those kisses when he can. He tells me every day how beautiful I am. I have to convince myself to believe him sometimes, but I'm so glad he does it.
Anyway, both of us are pretty ready to meet our little guy. School has served as a good distraction for the past couple of weeks, and that's been nice. It still blows my mind that we are going to have a baby soon, but I'm excited. We'll see. :)
