Words

I haven't posted in a while, and that's mostly because I haven't been able to decide on the words I'd like to write.

Words are kind of an interesting thing. There are wrong words and right words for every situation. And when the right words are given at the right time for the right situation, something magical happens.

As Isaac and I went the through the process of celebrating his father's life, attending his funeral and his graveside service, I found that words were quite important to the whole process.

There were sweet words given in his obituary, dictating an overview of his life on this earth. More profound words were given at his funeral in prayer, song, and formal speeches. At his graveside service, words were offered in an air of finality, dedicating his body and its burial place to the Lord.

In the midst of all of these words, it was fascinating to understand that none of them could really do it justice. How can any arrangement of words articulate the heartache, peace, and resolution felt? No words could accurately describe the Spirit that permeated each individual as they attended Papa Olive's funeral, or the ultimate acceptance and faith felt by each of his family members.

I found that others shared in my opinion. More than any condolence given, I heard "I just don't know what to say" or "I wish I knew what to say to you." Everyone was searching for the "right words," understanding that there really aren't any to give.

I would love to write a blog post about what I experienced at my Father-in-Law's funeral. I'd love to write about how much I miss him, and how much I wish he could be there next to my husband when he blesses our little boy. I'd love to write about the peace that has poured into my heart throughout this whole experience and how exceptional the Gospel is, especially when dealing with such a misunderstood, incomprehensible event like death.

But ultimately, I find that there aren't words that could do it justice.

2 weeks before he passed away, he got to feel his grandson kick. :)

Baby Bumps

Sometimes, especially lately, when a get a few moments to relax, I sit down and let my mind just wonder.

Lots of times my mind wanders to the major stresses of my life. As I think through everything, I often feel overwhelmed and sick to my stomach. I rub my eyes, run my hands through my hair, and wonder how everything will work out.

Then, in these quiet, stressful moments, my little boy will start kicking my tummy.

Though I know that his kicking is random and unintentional, every time I can't help but feel like every kick is meant to help me keep moving forward.

It's like with each little bump or scoot across my tummy, he's saying, "C'mon, Mommy, it's gonna be ok. I love you. We'll get through this."

In so many ways, I'm so glad this little boy is stuck in my tummy for a few more months. If he were here on top of everything else right now, I'm not sure I could handle it.

But in other ways, I can imagine those days after he gets here. In the quiet, stress-filled moments, I'll be able take a break, go to his crib and watch him sleep. I'll run my fingers over his tiny, precious body and know that as long as we have our family, we'll be alright.

I'm excited to meet our little guy. I'm excited for the inevitable happiness and love he will bring into our lives.

For now, though, I appreciate so much the fact that I can feel him.

This week...

Last weekend we spent a wonderful few days with Papa Olive and other of Isaac's relatives. Everyone is coming from all over to see him since he's been moved to the nice hospice place. It was emotionally draining and spiritually uplifting. We were so glad to be able to spend that time with everyone.

This week, we may go crazy.

With the past weekend and all that it implies weighing heavily on Isaac and I's mind, we enter this week of madness. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about:
1. Isaac's birthday and my brother's Endowment are on Saturday. Both of these things are great things and I'm really excited for them. We also have Father's Day on Sunday, which should be good.
2. I work 3 doubles this week. Originally, when I agreed to do this I didn't know about many of the items listed below. This means that for 3 days this week, I will be working 10-11 hour shifts.
3. We are moving. We are very excited to move given previous events, but moving is no *insert cliche phrase here*.
4. With moving comes packing and renting Uhaul trucks as well as signing a new lease and breaking a current one. Not to mention the cleaning and unpacking that will come soon thereafter. As much as I adore organizing (which seriously, I really do like it), I'm dreading the mass of organizing coming our way.
5. Did I mention that we're speaking on Sunday? Isaac and I have both been asked to speak on the importance of Fatherhood. So somewhere in the mix of moving, working, and sleeping we have talks to write.
6. We're trying to sell a bunch of furniture. Some very generous donors have given us several great furniture pieces that we don't need. We've gladly accepted them, thinking we'd have time to sell them. Currently, though, the entire nursery is packed with extra furniture, so much so that we have about 5 totes sitting in our living room right now. The idea was to have a garage sale before we move, but it's looking like that won't happen at this point. So we're putting them up on Craigslist.
7. I'm 6 months pregnant and it's hot in our house. 'Nough said.

It seems like things like this tend to come in waves. When trials/ stresses come, they all come at once. I can feel my stomach starting to hurt like it does when I'm overwhelmed, but I keep trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time. It's crazy, but it's doable and we are very blessed.

Isaac is doing his best to keep me light-spirited. He's currently in the kitchen doing the dishes and singing Hakuna Matata at the top of his lungs. I love him. :)

The Break-In

A few days ago, I wrote a blog entry about our house being broken into. I wrote it on paper (my 2 laptops were among the items stolen) and have been meaning to type it on the blog. Today, I read through it again and decided that even though time has made me less emotional about the whole thing, I should do my past feelings the justice of writing them. So here it goes.

Yesterday (May 29, 2012), our house was broken into and robbed while Isaac and I were at work. It was quite a shock to come home to our torn-up home and missing belongings.

Once Isaac said the words "Someone broke into our house..." my mind began to run through all of the valuable things we own. As I glanced around the house, I realized that many things were missing. My laptops were gone, the Wii, controllers, and games we just got for Christmas were gone.

As I walked through the wreckage, I began to cry. It was such a shock to think some unwelcome person had invaded our life.

At one point, I thought of my bracelet- the one valuable piece of jewelry I own. About 4 Christmases ago, Isaac gave me a diamond bracelet to wear on special occasions.

 For the past 4 years, I have worn it on every special occasion we've had. I wore it each year on our anniversary, on the day he left for his mission, on especially hard days during his mission, and on the day he got home. I wore it the night we got engaged, the day we were married, and the day we saw our little boy on the ultrasound for the first time. As these memories rushed through my mind, I ran back to my bedroom, into my closet, and as I ruffled through the pile of stuff now there, my heart sank.

They took my bracelet, too.

My heart began to sink more and more as I realized what all they had taken- Isaac's tools, our camera, and my iPod. I felt so angry and hurt.

Then, as I walked among the mess, I began to see our little home through the intruder's eyes.

I saw him break down our door

and while searching through the kitchen, catch a glimpse of the ultrasound pictures we had posted on our fridge next to our engagement photo.

I saw him pass by the temple mirror my mom made us for our wedding on his way to rifle through the living room. As he rifled through all of our warranty information and vital papers, I saw him glance at our marriage certificate and throw it aside.

Next, he moved to the hallway, passing several pictures of us and plaques with the words "love" or "Olive Family, est 2011" inscribed on them.

In the bathroom, he grabbed the toilet paper to wipe his prints off of anything he touched, and as he was stuffing all of our prescription drugs in his bag, he glanced at yet another wall-hanging, "Isaac and Callan- Together at Last."

He moved onto our bedroom next. The bedrooms were the hardest for me to see.

He tore through my temple bag, strewing sacred clothing across the floor. He went through my entire hope chest- I'm sure he was disappointed when nothing of "value" was found there. He didn't think twice as he tossed my "Isaac Box" and baby books, full of precious memories and artifacts, aside and piled more things on top of them.

After finishing with our room, he went to the nursery. Baby clothes were thrown this way and that.

Isaac's "Callan Box" was likewise opened and torn through.

He searched our bassinet, throwing stuffed animals and other nursery items around the room in haste. Isaac's temple bag was treated the same as mine.

Then, feeling like he accomplished his goal, and probably feeling a little disappointed in the fact that we really are just poor college students, he left our home.

As I pictured this scene through our intruder's eyes, my heart broke. How? How could someone see such glaring evidence of a happy, sweet home and come in and destroy it anyway?

In the end, it's not the stolen stuff that bothers me. It's just stuff, and to be honest, we didn't have much to steal. Isaac and I are safe, and that's what matters.

What bothers me is the feeling that a fellow human, probably our neighbor, could do such a thing. He came into our home, our home, a place that's suppose to be one of the most sacred places on this earth for our little family, and in a few short moments, he defiled it.

That's the end of the entry I wrote that day. I think going through something like this has taught Isaac and I some valuable lessons:
1. There are some dishonest, heartless people in this world.
2. We need to move.
3. We can grow closer together during hard times.
4. Our family's safety is more important than money.
5. Ultimately, Theo is a really terrible guard fish.

Overall, we're looking at this experience as an eye-opening one. We're grateful for the lessons we've learned and though the next couple of months are destined to be quite stressful with everything we have going on, we know we can get through it together. :)

Pregnancy is Awesome

I think often in this life, people forget to talk about the blessings and miracles they experience.

Maybe we find it easier to talk about the hardships because those don't find a place close to our heart, whereas the sacred experiences we have are nestled deep inside.

I'm starting to understand this concept more and more as I begin my journey in Motherhood.

With pregnancy, too often I hear horror stories like, "I was so sick that I had to be near a bathroom at all times." or "The smells! The smells are awful, just wait." etc...

In fact, this was so much the case, that Isaac at one point during my pregnancy asked if something might be wrong with our baby. To him, my pregnancy was too easy compared to the stories he had heard. I didn't get sick very much. I don't have any crazy horror stories to tell. I smiled when he asked that question and told him that maybe he just didn't hear about easy pregnancies as much.

I think ultimately, this concept is why I was unprepared for the sacred, sweet experience of seeing our little boy on an ultrasound for the first time. I had heard how amazing the birth of a child is, how incredible and sacred it is to hold that little one in your arms for the first time. But I had seldom heard about how special just seeing a picture of him could be.

As the ultrasound tech began scanning our little one for his measurements and fluid levels, I watched in silent awe. Could this human being really be inside of me? Could Isaac and I really be the ones solely responsible for taking care of him?

After the measurements were taken, she showed us more of our son's profile. We saw his sweet head, complete with a button nose and beautiful little mouth. I realized that this moment was sacred, and the Spirit was permeating both Isaac and I's entire bodies. We were seeing our son for the first time. Our son.

In that moment, I knew him. I knew what I want for him, what I hope for him. After we watched our son for a few minutes, small tears welling up in both of his parents eyes, the tech handed us the pictures she had taken and left the room to make sure all of the scans looked good.

Isaac and I sat hand in hand as we looked back over these sweet pictures and just marveled at this person we created. We both commented on how special this felt, seeing him for the first time, how humbling it was.

We commented on how much we already love him.

At the end of this experience, it was hard to be upset about anything else. Just days before, I was bemoaning the fact that my body is becoming so unrecognizable to me. Isaac tells me every day how beautiful I am, and he means it will all his heart, but I wasn't feeling as beautiful.

After seeing out little munchkin squirm around on that screen, there was no self-pity left in my heart. How could I complain about anything with this miracle inside of me?

Perhaps, if we shared more of these experiences with other future mothers, motherhood/ pregnancy would not be seen as such a burden or hardship. It would be seen as a miracle, a blessing beyond all others.

I'm starting to understand that more now.

There's this boy...

Today I fell in love with another boy.

His daddy and I pretty much think he's perfect.

Trip to Kansas/ Missouri

Isaac and I took a trip to Missouri/ Kansas this past weekend to visit his mission people and go through the temple open house up there.

The trip was amazing, really. It taught me a few things about my life. 1. I married an amazing guy. (I already knew that, but it was definitely reaffirmed this trip.) 2. I'm terrible about remembering to take pictures. 3. Kansas City is much prettier than Lubbock.

We began the trip with a 12 hour drive in our cool rental car.

We knew our car wouldn't make the trip, so we opted to rent this one, and it was exciting. Isaac and I talked a lot about how long it would be until we could afford owning such a car. It's nice to dream. :)

Our drive went smoothly other than Isaac getting his very first speeding ticket. He's always been able to talk himself out of them before, but not this time.He blamed it completely on the fact that our car is was red and sporty looking, which I had to agree makes a difference. I had to laugh though, because now he can't brag that he's never gotten a ticket.

Anyway, so then we made it to Kansas City, MO. Though we were tired and it was getting late, Isaac couldn't help but stop off a few exits and show me various places he had served on his mission or funny experiences he had. He was talking a million miles an hour, and it was really fun for me to see him so excited. Eventually we got to the place we were staying- with some LDS members, the Kieffers, that Isaac had gotten to know previously.

They were awesome. We talked with them a while that first night and I'm glad we did, because we didn't have much time the rest of the trip to do so. They had nothing but wonderful things to say about Isaac as a missionary. Isaac has a hard time receiving compliments, but it was a bunch of fun for me to hear.
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The second day we met a bunch of other people Isaac met on his mission- some converts and some members. All of them mirrored the Kieffers in their high praise of Isaac. For 2 days I listened to stories about how Isaac had touched people's lives. For both Isaac and I, it was a very validating trip. He realized that his mission truly made a difference, and I realized that it was completely worth letting him go for 2 years so that he could make that difference. Luckily, I even remembered to take a few pictures of that first day!

The Crabtree Family.

The Adams- who are almost about to finish their mission at the Independence Visitor's Center

While we were visiting all of these wonderful people, we drove out to the temple so that we could see it in the day time. It was very busy with tourists and  volunteers, all of which had smiles on their faces. It really never gets old seeing new temples. There's always a sacred excitement about it all.

Isaac and his friend, Chris, whom Isaac helped bring back into activity while on his mission.

It was great to see the temple. The whole time Isaac and I were there he kept stopping people he knew. They always had the same reaction: "Woah! Elder Olive!! Your hair is so long and curly!" Always the "Woah" and then the comment about his hair. It made me laugh how many people he knew.

That night we were able to go through the temple open house with a couple Isaac met while on his mission. When he found them 2 years ago he talked with them extensively about the Gospel and they loved learning about it, but they weren't interested in converting. They are 7th Day Adventists and very devout. When they asked Isaac back then about the LDS temples, he responded by saying that he would take them through the open house when this temple was open. He made a promise to them that he would. Of course, they forgot about it all and assumed that was that until Isaac called them about a month ago. He asked if they still wanted to come and they excitedly said yes.

So we took them through. It was an amazing night full of insightful and challenging questions but also a feeling of peace and camaraderie. They are amazing people and we had a wonderful time talking with them. We had so much fun that we went over to their house afterward and stayed for another 2 hours (almost midnight at this point) just talking with them. I think the relationship formed between Isaac and this couple will never really be forgotten. They weren't any closer to converting to our faith by the time we left that night, but the moments we shared just talking about our individual devotion to God made the time spent more than worth it.

The next morning we got up early again and headed out. We visited many different places. Isaac literally drove me around to every single area he served. It was neat seeing all the places and attaching them to the experiences he wrote me about every week. We also met with several more wonderful people this day, but alas, I forgot to take pictures. I did take a few, though:

This is at the 3 Witnesses Monument in Richmond, MO, said to be the burial place of Oliver Cowdery

Also in Richmond, MO, this was taken at the sight where Joseph Smith rebuked the guards while being held unjustly in jail. The building is no longer there, but this the sight where is used to be.

The next morning, we got up and went to church in Isaac's first area. He was in this area for 9 months, so he got to know the members really well. It was fun to go to church and during sacrament meeting, people would glance in Isaac's direction, we'd see the recognition light up their face, and then they'd wave. He had many people talk to him afterward and say that he was their favorite missionary. Some families even invited us over for dinner. But we had to leave right after the meeting to get started on our 12 hour drive home.

Isaac was sad that he couldn't spend more time with his first area, but he was glad he got to see everyone and give hugs to all of those nice older ladies who couldn't hug him before.

The drive back was rather uneventful but good. We got to see Isaac's parents briefly on our way through Amarillo so that was great. We stayed and talked for a while and then headed back home. Halfway to Lubbock (an hour later) Isaac's mom called my phone and said Isaac had left his backpack at their house. He had a test the next day and finals in a couple of weeks, so being without his backpack wasn't an option. We turned around and headed back. This is extended our trip by about 2 hours, but it was ok. We made it home safely and happily.

Anyway, long synopsis of our trip. It was really neat, and I'm so glad we were able to spend that time together.