14 and Smitten

Tonight, Isaac and I were sifting through some old boxes, trying to get rid of anything we could allow ourselves to get rid of for our upcoming move. We happened upon several notebooks and boxes full of stuff we gave each other when we were teenagers. The things ranged from silly jokes on a post it note passed in the middle of seminary to each other, to meaningful, gushy, loved-filled letters soaked with the current trial or teenage heartbreak we happened to be going through that day. I came across an old journal entry from a journal I thought I had lost and it is so good I just had to share.

When I wrote this entry, I was 14 years old. Back then (and still) I liked to address my journal as a person, so that I could act like I was talking to a friend when I was writing. (I was inspired to do this after reading Anne Frank for the first time and seeing that she called her journal "Kitty.")

Isaac and I met about 2 months prior to this entry and I was completely smitten with him.

So here goes nothing- Callan in the mind of a 14 year old girl.

"Dear Lizzy,                                                                                      9-11-04
     Today was my first church dance here in Amarillo. It was soooooooo much fun. Lot's of guys were dancing with me, and it was just the coolest atmosphere. I am really happy, but I am confused. I don't know if Isaac likes me or not. I am like 'In love' with him, but I can't really tell if he is interested in me. Tonight I had the urge to tell his sister that I like him, but I didn't do it. I have to think this over. Will he treat me different if he knows I have a crush on him? I am just one whole ball of hormones right now, it's weird. I like every guy, but Isaac I feel like I could marry one day. He fits, 100% the curriculum" ((I think I meant criteria... haha)) "that I have set out for a future mate. He's strong in the church, he would be a good father, he can make me laugh. Plus, tonight I danced with him the last dance and we were talking and at the end he twisted me around (like they always do) and told me that I look really nice. OMGosh, I was so happy. I can't believe he would say that. It would lead a girl into thinking that that particular guy favors her, or so I thought, until someone came up to me and told me that he didn't like me like that. Man, why did they have to tell me that, I would've been a lot more content just being the naive girl that I am and thinking that he actually liked me. Should I tell his sister? Should I tell him? Should I tell anyone? Should I even continue on in this quest? What's the point, even if he, by some unspoken change, were to ever, in the least bit favor me as opposed to every other girl he has swooning over him, we aren't even 16 yet." ((The designated dating age for LDS youth)) "So where would we go from there? Well, I am pretty confused. I want him to like me so bad, but I'm not sure why. Did you know it is actually likely that we could get married? Yeah, because he is going to BYU at the same time I am, but he'll be going on a mission, and if I wait for him, which I would of course, then we could definitely get married. Cool, huh? Yeah, who am I kidding, he could have any girl out there, why would he pick me? But still something pretty strong inside of me tells me that it might very well happen. If only things could be that way. If only I could get the 'prince charming." If only. Well, I must be off, I will write to you later, perhaps things will turn good, or not. But for now there is hope, right? Talk to you later. Bye.
-Callan Snow"

We also found a 5 year plan that we had made on a date one time (at the urging of Isaac's dad who was always supportive of our relationship, but always there to help us see the long-term). It started in 2007 with Isaac and I planning our early graduations from high school. Then it went through our time at BYU, Isaac's mission, my study abroad plans, my graduation from BYU, and ultimately our marriage. The last part we planned was me getting pregnant sometime in 2012.

We look back now and laugh at how eerily accurate it all is. Everything went completely as we had planned for it to go in our relationship for 5 years. That's so crazy to me, but so awesome. I absolutely love reading over stuff like this and realizing that even at 14 years old I was so sure about my life. There is no way I could have predicted the life that I now have with Isaac, but somehow against all odds, it all came true for us.

I also love looking back at how incredibly dramatic I was! Perhaps this will give me more sympathy for my 14 year old daughter when she comes home one day talking about how she loves someone... *crossing fingers that that NEVER happens* ( I can hope, right?)

Isaac's mom found a spoon girl that Isaac made when he was 3. It had blonde,
curly hair and a purple scarf, so we had to take a picture. (2005)