But I'm using it as an excuse! I have about 27+ pages to write over the next week, so I figure writing a blog post is just a way of getting into the writing mode.
I thought I'd just give a general update of the goings on in the Olive household since I haven't done that in a while.
Isaac and I are doing well. It's definitely an adjustment having a baby, much more than we thought it would be. With both of us in school, him working, me doing therapy stuff, and two church callings a piece, we're busy people. Everyone always asks us how we're doing it, but to us it's just life. All of the things we are doing right now are great things, and we chose to do them, so it wouldn't make much sense to complain about them.
We'll both be finishing this semester over the next couple of weeks and we're really excited. Tech gives us a month for Christmas break, and we plan to have a fun, productive month. We get to spend Christmas with both of our families this year, and we're really looking forward to being with everyone.
Sam is doing wonderfully. I'm constantly in awe about how good he is. I've been around a fair share of babies in my life, so I know the mellow ones vs the stubborn, attitude ones. Sam is about as mellow as you get. As long as his needs are met, he is perfectly happy. I can't remember a single instance where Sam's needs have been met and he cried anyway. He's just a happy boy. Isaac and I feel very blessed to have such an easy-going baby, especially right now. He's perfect for what we needed, and we're very grateful.
For me, as a mother, this baby business has been a difficult adjustment. I love Sam with all of my heart, and it surprises me how much I completely adore him. He really is the best, easiest baby that I could imagine having. That being said, having a baby is hard.
I find that things that used to be easy are now a lot more complicated. My morning routine, for instance, used to take me around 45 minutes to an hour (including showing, hair, make-up, and breakfast). But now, it takes me close to 3 hours because everything is broken up around Sam's needs. My house never gets clean, because by the time I'm finally ready for the day, I need to do homework or head to class. Sleep, of course, is a whole other ball game. Sam's sleep schedule is still somewhat sporadic, and that makes getting things done difficult as well. Beyond that, I'm constantly trying to juggle school and other things, trying to determine what it's ok to bring him to, and what I need to get a sitter for.
But the thing is, none of that stuff matters. After hours of conversation with Isaac about how frustrated I am at my "lack of productivity," he has helped me realize something. It's never going to be the same as it was before. I'm never going to get everything done on my list, because there's something much more important going on. I've learned over the last little while, that by choosing to go to grad school and have a baby, I chose to let other things go. I can't do it all, no matter how much I want to, and that's ok. Sam makes up for everything I feel like I've lost by having him. In fact, he far exceeds everything I used to have. Him being in my life is the biggest blessing imaginable. After long nights where he woke up every 1-2 hours, I sit with him in the morning and still marvel that he is in my life. He smiles at me, and I say a silent prayer in thanksgiving to God for this amazing gift. Getting ready for the day, I stare at my new body in the mirror, and convince myself that those marks are the marks of motherhood, of beauty and selflessness, and that makes everything seem so much better.
I know that this has been kind of a long blog post, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I think I felt like I was failing if I couldn't accomplish all of the things that I wanted to and be a good mom at the same time. But that's not true. Sam won't remember if my kitchen was spotless, or if he always had the cutest, cleanest clothes. He won't care if he had to spend extra hours with Daddy because Mommy was at school or doing therapy. In fact, he'll like that time spent with Daddy. For now, it's all about perspective. This school thing won't last forever, and then I'll be done. I'll be able to invest full-time at home and get the things done there that I want to. Until then, I need to keep the perspective that Isaac and I chose both of these blessings. We chose to go to school and have Sam. So I should feel blessed that we are able to do so, and stop worrying so much about all of the trivial things.
Overall our family is doing really well. We feel very blessed by all that we have been given and continue to enjoy our lives. I'm so excited about the Christmas season, it's definitely my favorite time of year.
(About 4 weeks ago)This is my favorite time of day. It's the first time I talk to Sam in the morning. We don't usually talk to him at night so he gets super excited each morning when we do. This makes everything so worth it.
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